Another Monday

So, here are my measurements for this week.

Weight - 265.5

Waist - 43"
Belly - 44"
Hips - 51 1/2"

From last week that's a loss of 2lbs, and 3". Total 11.8lbs and 10.5" on those three measurements since 3/25.

Goals for this week: Follow 4 Golden Rules everytime I'm hungry. To not eat when I'm not hungry. To eat whatever I want. To eat conciously and to stop when I am full. To cut back on regular soda. To drink more water. To walk at least 3 times this week, prefer 5. To not step on the scale until next Monday.

Bad Week... trying to do better now....

Well, to get it over with:

As of 4/21 -

Weight - 267.6
Waist - 43"
Belly - 45 1/2"
Hips - 53"

% body fat - 28.8%

That's .8lbs weight gain, which I would/might be willing to put toward muscle gain/fat loss, maybe. No change in waist, 3/4" loss from belly and 1/2" gain in Hips. All three subject to error in human measuring. Effective 0" loss.

Well, when I look at it that way, it's not really so bad, is it? I guess I just saw those numbers not going down and it looked so horrible to be "gaining" weight when I'm supposed to be losing weight on this program. I did realize I stopped eating when I was hungry and had started eating whenever I wanted - and not as conciously. So, from this moment forward I am only going to measure my weight and stuff once a week, and body fat % can only be measured once a month for accuracy. That puts my next body fat measurement around May 19. They say normal healthy is about 22%. I'd like to eventually get down to about 18-20% body fat, and my goal weight is still somewhere about 150-160. I like that, actually. A weight loss range, instead of a specific number, because then, if I say, I want to weight 152, and I go to 153, I may freak. Also, changing the concept of my goals from "I must weight this number or less" to "around this number" in my brain, and I think maybe I can stop weighing myself every five seconds. After all, what's going to change? Nothing. And I'm going to make myself miserable and stop the program, and it's a reallly good program. The book comes out in the US on May 15, so I'm really looking forward to that. Thinking about preordering from Barnes and Noble.com - only $15.00. If I order $10 more dollars, shipping is free. Gee... can I spend $10 more at a bookstore? I don't know... :) I'll decide by May 1.

so I went for a very nice long walk today. I'm not sure how long, I stopped twice or three times to fix my radio. It was at least 1 hour though. I'm not sure how many miles - my pedometer says 1.0 but I think it was closer to 2 miles. My pedometer didn't work for a while, I changed the radio station, put it back and when i stop to change the radio again (at least 10 minutes later) it hadn't tracked any of the steps I'd taken since I stopped the first time. Oh well. My feet hurt. :) I think I got some sunburn on my face too. I spent $5 bucks on a park pass as well, but no big. I want to start going more often to the park. And it's good for Sharon Woods, Winton Woods and all the Hamilton county parks. Yippie!

I'm going to go relax for a while, watch some TV, maybe get a snack - I had a pretzel. I ate most of it, but it started to get icky, so I threw the rest away. Also had a blue icee... fun.

Weight Loss....but

Eh. I'm not happy with myself. I messed up big time this weekend. Totally binged on popcorn and other stuff when I wasn't even hungry. Well, I don't have much time today, but next time I'm hungry, I'm back to it....

Weight - 266.8

Waist - 43"
Belly - 46 1/4"
Hips - 52 1/2"

Total loss of 1.4lbs, 2 1/4" this week. Though I might attribute a little of this week's non-weight loss with muscle gain. I've been walking. I walked 4 times last week 15-25 min walks. This week, I'm hoping for 5 times, plus I'm going to a convention on Saturday, which will involve a bit of walking around. I'm still trying to get my pedometer working correctly.

Total loss since 3/24 - 10.6lbs, 7 1/4" (I think).

Goal: 260lb by 5/5/08. That's s 3 weeks to lose 6.8lbs. I think I can do that. Hopefully this week I'll be back on track and lose around 3lbs. I'm not totally concerned with the inches. I'm just using them as an alternate tracking method. This way, if I have a week where I am not losing weight, but I still lose inches I am not completely disheartened. :)

Grr... i did bad yesterday, and I didn't get to go walking... so I hope to change that tonight. If John goes to D&D I think I'll order a small pizza from papa john's because I'm kinda wanting good pizza. If he doesn't, we're making steaks.. yum! So, anyway, i'm going to go clean my kitchen and then go for a walk, I think before the rain.

I need to stop weighing myself everyday, because McKenna's right, it just ruins your whole day and your weight fluctuates up and down every day. Sigh. Oh, well. No help for it now, just gotta go get dressed and go walk. I wish I had a zune... I reallly want an MP3 player so I can take it with me while walking... :)

Oh happy day!

So, I used to dread these days, how much weight have I gained? How much did I lose, how is this possible? Why me? Now, now I love weigh in days. I have got to STOP looking at the damn scale all the time though. I'll get better. I promise. I had a bad day yesterday. It started out OK, but when I was hungry, I munched popcorn and the day went down hill from there - I ended up with a bad taste in my mouth, and ate a pickle to make it go away, and then some cheezits and we finally ate dinner and I couldn't tell if I was hungry or not, and the whole night I couldn't tell and I still ate dinner and some more later too. So, back on the wagon today, again. I love this program, because I can eat anything I want, because I can't fail, and because you can jump right back. With Weight Watchers if you had a bad day, you'd lose all your points and be unable to think about anything but food and be full of guilt and mad at yourself. I am a bit upset, and I knew better, but I don't feel guilty and that I need to just stop, because I'm not on a diet. I'm changing my lifestyle habits.

Anyway, here we go:

Weight - 268.2lbs
Waist - 43 1/2"
Belly - 47"
Hips - 53 1/2"

Total loss this week: 3.4lbs, 3"

Total loss since 3/24: 9.2lbs, 5"

Now, I need to up my excercise, I'm going to try to walk at least 5 times this week at least 15mins. I know it's not alot, but I need to go slow, or I am going to fail the excercise bit at least right now. I know walking isn't good if it is slow, but I have to go slow right now, or my back and feet will protest and I'll be unable to do it at all. Any movement is better than no movement. I'm also doing small things, 20 "against the wall push ups" which help with upper body toning; ab crunches, which just involve sucking in my abs and holding and then letting go. The walking will help tone my legs, but I could also do some kicks and I'm going to do some biceps as well. I don't just want to be thin. I want to be healthy, fit, and strong.

So, I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself every day or what have you, but I can't stand it. I hope it gets easier not to do... I'm down another 2lbs. So that's exciting, and I just wanted to post about it, because I'm crazy. :) I'm a bit worried that my scale is reallly messed up though. We're having porkchops for dinner, so that's cool. I want some mac and cheese, so I'll probably have that for lunch.

Wee... I love this.... :)

So, it was decided the bet was null and void, even though I lost by losing no weight, even though I have lost 7.4lbs since starting McKenna's program.

Still, new bet was made with $50 limit for a reward - new weigh in date is July 4, 2008. I have to think about what I want as a reward.

Hmm... the possiblities.... I might go for a $50 gift certificate to buy some new pants or to the bookstore if I get thorugh all my books by then... or I might come up with something different.... who knows?

Mess up, Stand up, Brush off, and Get back on

OK, so I fell back into my old ways last night. Argh! I made some real popcorn and it was good, but I munched out on it. I still didn't eat as much as I normally would, but hey, I ate when I wasn't really hungry and that's the problem. Also, when I was hungry later on (I didn't go to sleep until really, really late - almost early) I overate. I knew I was full, but I didn't stop.

Today for lunch I didn't eat when I was hungry because I had an appointment, so I was feeling sick by the time i had something to eat and now I feel overfull again. Welp, back on the wagon. Like Paul says, the program doesn't stop working, you just stop doing it.

Some of my problem may be hormones....stupid week of placebo pills....grr.

I <3 Paul McKenna

Wow! I really can eat whatever I want. This is so freaking awesome. I had a calzone from Larosa's tonight, because that was what I wanted. I realize I won't always get "exactly" what I want to eat, because we have an menu and so forth, but the point being that I CAN, IN FACT, eat whatever foods I enjoy eating!!! I ate about 1/3rd off the Calzone, had a Fry and 1 slice of Garlic Bread with Cheese and took the rest home. Hooray! ;) The waitress seemed kinda disappointed, but what does she care? I still paid for my food. Hehehe. My god, could you imagine if everyone in the world started eating this way? They'd need to make restuarants so much bigger!! People would take forever to eat and waiting times would be astronomical. Hehehe.... I think my brain is starting to "get it" that I'm not going to starve myself of things I love. I smelled some really good bread at the bakery when we swung by the grocery store for a few items. But I didn't start panicing and "oh my god gotta have bread" I was able to say "hey, that smells really good!" Also, Didn't really have any reaction around the cookies and chips either. Might have been because I was full at the time, since we had just come from dinner, but I don't know. It could just be the system working. Eeek... I'm very happy right now.

Addict

I know I have an addictive personality. I am addicted to food, I am addicted to buying books, I am addicted to games, etc. I don't have classic addiction, because I can overcome the feelings. For instance, I've been to Barnes and Noble's twice recently and haven't bought a book. I tend to get compulsive for a while and then move on to something else, so my addictions are always changing, but it doesn't change the fact that I am addicted to something.

I am hoping, however, that with this life change, and weight loss, and Paul McKenna's program, I can at least break the cycle of food addiction. I eat to comfort myself, I eat to keep myself occupied. I know this. The tapping is helping, the positive reinforcement is helping. I've had some "too full" feelings this week, and I don't like the feeling. It's good to know that. Before I'd never have noticed until I was so stuffed I'd be up half the night because of the bloating and pain.

Right now, I'm addicted to posting things on the Internet, so I'm going to go eat and then take a walk, but hey.... at least I'm not eating until I'm hungry. It'll take time, I know, but I do feel better already and I hope I just keep feeling better day by day.

It took me 10 years to put on this 77 lbs. It might have only taken a few months to pack on the last 27, but It's not all going to fall off in a matter of days - hell, if it did, I need plastic surgery because I'd have tons of saggy skin. Also, it took me 5 years to put on the weight from normal to over 200lbs. I didn't wake up one morning and gained 50lbs overnight. If it takes a few months to break the cycle, it takes a few months, or years. It doesn't matter. Small success matters, and I'm having those every day. I'll get there. Time is not the enemy any longer.

Let's see if it works....

First time at a restuarant. We're apparently going to BW3s. Should be interesting. I've already decided I don't like their fries thing and I've always just eaten them because of the melty cheese, and I'm not in the mood for greasy cheese. :)

We'll see how it goes tonight.